4 years ago my mom and sister took me to my first Alcoholics Anonymous meeting.
I was 18 and definitely in denial about having a problem with alcohol. Over on instagram (@jakiwiii) I’ve been very open about my sobriety journey, and although it took me 4 years to realize it— I am finally free from the restraints of alcohol. In 2 days I’ll have NINE months with no hangovers, free of alcohol. Every milestone has been important, but 9 is a very significant number in my healing journey.
In numerology 9 symbolizes a cycle ending/ completion and holy sh*% am I so glad to have finally ended my continuous cycle of self abuse. 9 months ago I was ready to give up, desperately trying to drink myself to death. I was hiding the pain and acting like I was doing just fine in life. I know now that it’s okay to not be okay, it’s okay to ask for help. It’s. Okay.
I’m thankful for the open mind I have towards learning about anything that is helpful for my recovery but I’m also thankful for the many forms of freedom I’ve found my recovery in. 20 year old Jacquelyn had no idea where to start. I knew I had a problem but i didn’t want to stop, I wanted to be normal, so the summer of 2021 I tried to escape myself through running away to somewhere new.
I learned so much about myself by leaving my hometown, but still I wasn’t content and kept drowning myself in booze. Everything I needed was inside of me already but I refused to look inward. I couldn’t accept I wasn’t “normal” and with all the knowledge I had of myself, and my addiction, I continued to “moderate” and did a very good job— until I didn’t. Being around so many new friends nobody truly knew how much of a problem I had. my heart goes out to those I met during my travels, who weren’t able to experience the true version of myself. Although I was in my addiction, I still made beautiful connections and healed pieces of my inner child. The Santa Cruz mountains were the beginning of my favorite journey, the start of healing myself through exploring new places. Since then I’ve developed a love for travel and exploration, I will never get tired of meeting new people or visiting new places.
If you’d like, check out my podcast, Chats with Jax— Connection Through Perception. Episode 6 ‘Growing & Glowing’ is now live wherever you listen to your podcasts.
You are Exactly Where You Need To Be 